I’m so sorry for all of this, baby girl. A good friend gave me a talking to this weekend and she said I need to understand that I can’t control certain things and that some of what’s going on isn’t my fault. And she’s right.

But that’s little consolation when you come running out of your Mom’s place with tears in your eyes. Or when you beg me to stay with you and I’m forced to say “I can’t.”.

And I’m sorry that I’m getting painfully drunk right now rather than facing the pain and dealing with it. But I can’t deal with it right now: I barely held it together when I was with you. So right now, as I write this to your future, I’m well on my way to drunk.

And boys, I’m so proud of you for how you try to make your little sister feel better. It helps me in ways that you can’t fathom.  Maybe someday you’ll have kids of your own and you’ll know what it’s like to be a proud father:  until then, just believe me when I say there’s NOTHING better than seeing your kids do what is good and right.

Now it’s late and I’m pretty sobered up.  I understand that I’m not really writing this for you guys:  I’m writing it for me.  

And I see that I need to be stronger for myself, not just for you guys.  And I hope that day comes soon.  Maybe it starts today:  hell,  I don’t know.  There’s really one two things I know:

1. I love you guys with all my heart and I will always and forever do anything for you.  I will be there for you no matter what.  If your heart is broken or your world is turned upside-down, I’ll be there.  I may not be able to fix it, but I’ll try.  And if I can’t, know that I will walk with you through it.
2. The New York Yankees are the greatest baseball team in the history of baseball.  This is something that your Mom may not express strongly enough, but it’s something that you need to know.